I really hate sitting in front of a computer. I don't want a career like that. I want to work hard. I want to get my hands dirty. I want to get cuts here and there because the materials are rough. I want to see my work progress in my hands. I want to see it improve as I do it more and get better at it. I want my hands to get worn and weathered. And every now and then, I want to add a new twist; a new method that changes the way things work or that adds some new challenge to my work. I want to feel tired and to ache from the day's labor.
I was not born for the city.
Maybe that's why I don't go anywhere. There's little about the city that I want to see. I love grand trees, enormous open fields, green and lush places, magnificent sky, dirt and mud and water all around, or falling from the sky. This place is too compact. Too much enclosure. Too much crammed into one small space. That's why I love old southern homes with their big, wide rooms and tall windows. That's why I appreciate a porch or a patio. And to be honest, I kind of like blank walls, with very few pictures or boards. It feels more open.
Jason is right. I am too enclosed in this apartment. I probably won't write anything worth loving while I am confined here. I can accept that. Does it mean I'll never write a pretty piece of music? Certainly not. It's just not the right time or the right place for pretty things to come out. It will take something far more beautiful than this place to pull it out of me. There is a higher power in the natural beauty of this world that the Lord has given. I wonder when I will find my place...
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