i was rescued when i didn't know i needed saving

Have you ever met someone who had such a powerful testimony about how Christ redeemed their life, that you almost wished your testimony had, maybe not all, but some of that griminess and edge to make it a little more interesting? More powerful? More exciting? I'm talking the kind of testimony that involves all kinds of dirty, ugly, knock-out-drag-out-you'll-take-me-kicking-and-screaming sin. And if you had met them before they knew Jesus, you wouldn't believe they would be serving our sweet Savior anymore than you would believe a terrorist liked playing with kittens.

I'll admit that there have been times I've heard someone else's story and thought, "Man, my life seems so boring and unimpressive compared to that. A story like that would bring tons of people to Jesus! Not mine though." Maybe you've thought it too.

Let's face it. Some of us have led quiet lives. But that doesn't mean our lives are any less valuable or any less important.

"Laura, I knew you were going to say that."

Yes, I know you're thinking it too. I thought it just the same. Those of us who grew up in God-fearing, Christian homes know where our value is and how significant our role is in God's kingdom. We know we play a part, but honestly, I know, we don't always feel it.

But what if your story went deeper than you realized? Or perhaps deeper is a poor word. What if your story went further back than you realized?

Three years ago, my family began going through major struggles. My eyes began to be opened as soon as I got married, and I had this man I loved looking in on what I came to find was quite a broken and fragile environment. Let it never be said that God does not use marriage to make us more like Him. Indeed, it's probably one of the best ways He makes us more like Him. I learned just how much pain and sin runs in my blood when I was old enough to understand the backgrounds of my family. I learned how my parents, and even grandparents, came from physically and verbally abusive backgrounds riddled with neglect and poverty; how my own siblings had endured abuses that I knew nothing about; how my parent's relationship began as an affair, leading to their divorces, emotional scarring on my half-siblings, and their marriage afterward in my mother's seventh month of pregnancy with me, despite disapproval from both sides of the family. And it didn't stop there. The abuse, the anger, the deep-rooted bitterness, addictions to all manner of things, the resentment still in people's hearts, the pride, the ugliness, the shame... it all continued on. Like a bloodthirsty monster, it couldn't be satisfied no matter how many people you fed it. 

And then my Mom got sick. And someone from the church came to the hospital to visit, and brought her a plant as a "Get Well" gift. That plant brought Jesus into our home, and it changed the lives of my Mom, my Dad, my sister, and me.

That didn't mean the monster was gone. He lingered in shadow and quietly did his bidding behind closed doors, and even today he still causes chaos. But it hardly touched me, and it hardly touched my baby sister. I've been spared from knowing first-hand what it feels like to be abused physically and verbally, and to have to hide the bruises. I've been spared (for the most part) from knowing what it feels like to be hungry when all there is to eat is mustard and bread. I've been spared from demeaning positions. I've been spared... from much more than I probably know or feel comfortable saying here. And when I first learned of it all, it haunted me, and I wasn't sure what to do with the knowledge I had been given. I have wrestled with it for three years now, learning how to deal with the on-going sin and hurt in the lives of those I love most. I proclaim Christ, and therefore I proclaim hope and healing.

I won't lie. I ache inside at the thought of the things that stain my history, but more importantly I've been blessed and have resolved to see the generational sin end with me and my family. Praise God that He gave me a man who is plagued with honesty and has called me out for the flaws I've carried on. Praise God for conviction, and the willingness to change. Praise God that I was spared, and I do not have to tell a story that is so intense. I can be thankful for the quiet, and when I reflect on my life and ask, "Why didn't that happen to me?" I know the answer beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Because the Lord guarded my heart, His hand of protection kept me, and He had plans for me all along.