The last several years of my life have been some of the most transitional and challenging yet. In the last three years, I've run a Spartan obstacle race and hiked a mountain while seven weeks pregnant. Those events were super hard and incredibly challenging, and at the end of them I felt like I could do anything!
And then, I had a baby. This beautiful, screaming, precious, pudgy person who rocked my world. And it's true. You can't imagine labor until you're right there - standing in a puddle of amniotic fluid after your water's broken; sitting on a yoga ball enduring earth-shaking contractions that are back-to-back and the 30 second break that's supposed to be in-between isn't coming; your body shaking uncontrollably with the epidural that helps you finally relax enough to be able to push when they tell you to; and then a release and a moment of silence before the cry heard around the world. She's here. She has ten toes and ten fingers, and your nose and two big black eyes just looking for you. Yes, for you Momma.
But labor is nothing compared to the months that came afterward. The obstacle race AND the mountain AND the 14 hours of labor combined are nothing compared to those months. I've been hesitant to speak of the last year. I don't want to scare others who say they want to be moms, and I don't want to make motherhood sound like a nightmare. Most of all, I am scared to be honest - with myself and with you. But I think I'm at a point where I can finally say a little bit of what's been in my head.
My daughter's first year of life is strewn with fantastic memories and sweet firsts and outrageous laughs. But it is also filled with the deepest depression I've ever known, moments of considering resorting back to self-inflicted pain just to take out some of this anger in me that I never knew I had, and weeping in a sleepless bed covered by feelings of failure and ineptitude. And while I could write books and books filled with the truths of my first year as a mom, I feel like I'm finally arriving at a place where I can tell you much more useful things that are hope-filled and not hope-less. So here's what I really want to say...
1. Slow down.
Having River around has made me take time to stop and just be. As a mom who works from home, I had to learn and accept that I am sometimes just going to have to leave what I'm doing to meet my daughter's needs. And that's okay. The emails, the dishes, the laundry can wait while we play in a table fort or take a walk. The work will always be there, but this little person will grow very fast and be out on her own before I know it. Even when I think I'm getting nothing done, I know for a fact that it will get done. Just not right now.
2. I am not as __________ as I think I am.
Insert adjective here! I used to think I was super patient and super kind and super gracious. Until I became a mom. For some God-only-knows reason, my daughter has brought to light just how human and flawed and crappy of a person I really am. I found an anger in me that I didn't know was there, and I could be so harsh towards her if she didn't behave the way I wanted her to behave. My mouth was full of loud and ugly words and my heart was so bitter and cold. I often took out my feelings on my husband who has been nothing short of amazing and supportive through it all. I also learned that I'm not as busy as I think I am. I have more time than I realize; I'm just really bad at using it well. So if you think you're really great at [blank] or you're too [blank], think again. Which leads me to my next point...
3. I need Jesus more than ever.
I still struggle with what I consider my greatest failure as a new mom - not running to Jesus when I should have. I spent a lot of days trying to do things my way or the way that other moms did or the way that all the books and blogs said, but I rarely did things Jesus' way. Sure, I yelled at him and cried to him, but I didn't go to Jesus to be in his presence or to listen for his voice. I didn't reach for my Bible to remind myself of his promises and his love. I just complained to him and asked why he wasn't fixing it. Now I recognize that I need Jesus so badly each day. I simply don't have enough strength, will-power, grace, compassion, kindness, patience... You name it, I haven't got enough of it. I seriously NEED Jesus to get me through each day without tearing off someone's head or uttering ugly words. I NEED Jesus to be my source of life, joy, confidence, and security.
Now things have eased up a bit with River, but she has a lot of life and strong will left in her, and I want more children too, so this journey is nowhere near over. I know I still have a ton to learn, and I know my children will be special tools to teach me those lessons for years to come. For now, I hope that I will lean more and more into Jesus' arms and that I'll rely on his love and strength for my days. Let's take it one day at a time, and remember that there is a deep well of grace and mercy to catch us on our not-so-great days. Thank the Lord!
Sunday, August 14, 2016
Thursday, February 19, 2015
Oil pulling & birth control
Today I want to share with y'all a couple of things that have been total game changers for me health-wise. When you find something that works or learn something new, you should share, so here goes!
About a year ago I posted about oil pulling and how I had begun an experiment with it in hopes of finding a natural solution to my dental problems. Lo and behold, a year later and I'm still going strong! I had my check-up the other day with my dentist and got a routine cleaning. My hygienist didn't take x-rays since I'm five months pregnant, and let's just say I was really happy to not have to stick my foot out while I gagged on the seemingly gargantuan pieces of plastic they put in your mouth. Yuck! My visit was quick and painless, and I could have fallen asleep in the chair since I was so relaxed and confident. The only thing she found? A little redness on my lower gums, most likely due to pregnancy (yup, the little nugget inside me makes dental hygiene harder!).
Strangely enough, I hadn't experienced any sensitivity to heat or cold since I got my mouth under control. That is, until I got my cleaning. It could be due to the cleaning exposing certain parts of my gum that weren't before, or it could be that I have no exposure to fluoride except for what's in tap water. I can't say for sure, but I know that after a couple days of oil pulling it was gone again. At this point I can definitely say that oil pulling works as well, if not much better, than traditional dental hygiene. If you're like me and find that all the toothpaste, mouthwash, and floss in the world just isn't cutting it, no matter how many times a day you do it, I encourage you to take a couple of months to try oil pulling. It's weird, and people might think you're crazy, but when they see your beautiful smile and realize you don't use toothpaste EVER, you'll look like a boss.
In other news, oh yeah I'm pregnant! We're 25 weeks in with our baby girl who is growing strong and healthy and already shows promise of being a great soccer player. Obviously with pregnancy comes a lot of changes in physical and emotional health. But what I really want to share with y'all, especially my lady-friends, is what happened before I got pregnant.
Most women nowadays go on some form of birth control (most commonly the pill) soon after they get engaged because, well, "I'm getting married and we don't want babies yet." Now while I believe that putting off children for a little while is good and healthy for a newlywed couple (so long as the timing of children has been discussed and agreed upon), I do think more couples should take into consideration how they're preventing pregnancy. Sure, the pill is easy and convenient, but have you thought about how it affects your body?
If you read my pregnancy announcement post, you'll know what I went through before trying to get pregnant. Years of hormone treatment had me rattled about whether or not it would happen, but by God's sweet favor we got pregnant within four months. But what happened in those four months was of great interest as well. We all know that medications have side effects and that different bodies respond differently to those meds. However, I didn't expect such a drastic change in my health when I came off of birth control. Within the first month I saw major changes:
- My energy levels went up.
- My emotional state was more balanced (no more cry-fests).
- My complexion got better.
- The constant bloating in my abdomen went away.
- My oral hygiene improved, and my teeth didn't seem to "hang on" to food as tightly.
- Frequent nausea went away.
- And my lactose-intolerance completely disappeared! (I'm sitting here with a glass of whole milk drinking to my heart's content by the way.)
I literally had no idea what those pills were doing to my body! Now granted, I had a special case where I needed to be regulated, but looking back now, if I had known how much the pill would affect me, I would have stuck with my old treatment that worked just fine and used other means of contraception. My husband and I have already agreed on alternative methods of pregnancy prevention when our daughter arrives, simply because my health is better off without the pill.
So, if you're a woman who's looking into contraception, or if you're a guy who is engaged to a special lady who you hope will one day be the mother of your children (but not just yet), I ask that you take into consideration these things. These days society says sexual freedom comes in pill form and being able to do whatever you want whenever you want, but I have to disagree. I have a problem with a pill that is so quickly offered to women, even young girls, without knowing just how it will affect their bodies. In my opinion, understanding the female body and how it works on a month-to-month basis is one of the most empowering things a woman can do for herself. A book that I've come to love is "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" by Toni Weschler, and I plan to have my daughter read it when she's old enough. It explains beautifully and clearly all the workings of a woman's cycle whether she's just tracking, or trying to prevent or achieve pregnancy.
Hopefully all this info and my experiences with it can be of some help to others, and I hope that you've learned something. I'm always open to questions about this stuff, as I want to see others find relief sooner rather than later, so get in touch if you have a question. Be blessed my friend!
About a year ago I posted about oil pulling and how I had begun an experiment with it in hopes of finding a natural solution to my dental problems. Lo and behold, a year later and I'm still going strong! I had my check-up the other day with my dentist and got a routine cleaning. My hygienist didn't take x-rays since I'm five months pregnant, and let's just say I was really happy to not have to stick my foot out while I gagged on the seemingly gargantuan pieces of plastic they put in your mouth. Yuck! My visit was quick and painless, and I could have fallen asleep in the chair since I was so relaxed and confident. The only thing she found? A little redness on my lower gums, most likely due to pregnancy (yup, the little nugget inside me makes dental hygiene harder!).
Strangely enough, I hadn't experienced any sensitivity to heat or cold since I got my mouth under control. That is, until I got my cleaning. It could be due to the cleaning exposing certain parts of my gum that weren't before, or it could be that I have no exposure to fluoride except for what's in tap water. I can't say for sure, but I know that after a couple days of oil pulling it was gone again. At this point I can definitely say that oil pulling works as well, if not much better, than traditional dental hygiene. If you're like me and find that all the toothpaste, mouthwash, and floss in the world just isn't cutting it, no matter how many times a day you do it, I encourage you to take a couple of months to try oil pulling. It's weird, and people might think you're crazy, but when they see your beautiful smile and realize you don't use toothpaste EVER, you'll look like a boss.
In other news, oh yeah I'm pregnant! We're 25 weeks in with our baby girl who is growing strong and healthy and already shows promise of being a great soccer player. Obviously with pregnancy comes a lot of changes in physical and emotional health. But what I really want to share with y'all, especially my lady-friends, is what happened before I got pregnant.
Most women nowadays go on some form of birth control (most commonly the pill) soon after they get engaged because, well, "I'm getting married and we don't want babies yet." Now while I believe that putting off children for a little while is good and healthy for a newlywed couple (so long as the timing of children has been discussed and agreed upon), I do think more couples should take into consideration how they're preventing pregnancy. Sure, the pill is easy and convenient, but have you thought about how it affects your body?
If you read my pregnancy announcement post, you'll know what I went through before trying to get pregnant. Years of hormone treatment had me rattled about whether or not it would happen, but by God's sweet favor we got pregnant within four months. But what happened in those four months was of great interest as well. We all know that medications have side effects and that different bodies respond differently to those meds. However, I didn't expect such a drastic change in my health when I came off of birth control. Within the first month I saw major changes:
- My energy levels went up.
- My emotional state was more balanced (no more cry-fests).
- My complexion got better.
- The constant bloating in my abdomen went away.
- My oral hygiene improved, and my teeth didn't seem to "hang on" to food as tightly.
- Frequent nausea went away.
- And my lactose-intolerance completely disappeared! (I'm sitting here with a glass of whole milk drinking to my heart's content by the way.)
I literally had no idea what those pills were doing to my body! Now granted, I had a special case where I needed to be regulated, but looking back now, if I had known how much the pill would affect me, I would have stuck with my old treatment that worked just fine and used other means of contraception. My husband and I have already agreed on alternative methods of pregnancy prevention when our daughter arrives, simply because my health is better off without the pill.
So, if you're a woman who's looking into contraception, or if you're a guy who is engaged to a special lady who you hope will one day be the mother of your children (but not just yet), I ask that you take into consideration these things. These days society says sexual freedom comes in pill form and being able to do whatever you want whenever you want, but I have to disagree. I have a problem with a pill that is so quickly offered to women, even young girls, without knowing just how it will affect their bodies. In my opinion, understanding the female body and how it works on a month-to-month basis is one of the most empowering things a woman can do for herself. A book that I've come to love is "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" by Toni Weschler, and I plan to have my daughter read it when she's old enough. It explains beautifully and clearly all the workings of a woman's cycle whether she's just tracking, or trying to prevent or achieve pregnancy.
Hopefully all this info and my experiences with it can be of some help to others, and I hope that you've learned something. I'm always open to questions about this stuff, as I want to see others find relief sooner rather than later, so get in touch if you have a question. Be blessed my friend!
Monday, January 5, 2015
When your husband is a gamer
For anyone who knows us, it is common knowledge that my husband and I love board games. I'm not quite as enthusiastic about them as he is, but I have grown a great appreciation for complex strategy and competition. Who can resist stomping their friend's meeples or watching their deck of resources grow into a powerful empire? (cue evil laughter drowning out helpless souls crying out for mercy)
Now video games? That's a completely different subject. I'm not into video games at all. Don't get me wrong, there are some incredibly amazing and beautiful and complex video games out there. I love the way the world of video games is evolving into something with much more personality and nobility than button-mashing and high scores. But I would rather sit and watch my husband play a game excitingly well than play one myself. Yes, I'm that boring.
But what happens to a couple when your hubby really really really loves a good MMO with great design, great stories, and all the coolest gear you could imagine? Our first year of marriage is what happens.
My husband and I used to play Rift, and while I could play for a couple of hours at max on a regular day, my husband could easily put away an entire weekend of nothing but gaming and diet mountain dew if I let him. And sometimes, I let him. After all, he had spent the whole week bringing home the bacon and making sure I was taken care of. How can you say no to a man who can play video games for that long, and yet still get all his stuff done?
Nevertheless, I didn't like how much time he could log away playing games, and I let him know it. Surely there were better ways to spend his time besides just raiding and dungeoning with his random-stranger-guild-buddies! We would have arguments about his amount of play, and all I could do was search for a reason to make him stop, but to no avail. Things got done, bacon was brought home, and I couldn't find a legitimate reason to make him stop playing. Even he understood that it probably wasn't the best use of time, but if things got done, why stop doing something he really enjoyed? Still, I was quietly angry and I didn't know why.
This was a major point of tension for us, and we had a hard time resolving the issue. Eventually things got too busy for him to keep playing so regularly, and we quit playing Rift altogether. But I also figured out what it was that bothered me most when he spent his weekends on the game. You see, while he would go into another world and play with friends he would never meet, I would try to find other ways to fill my time or enjoy my weekend. But truthfully, all I really wanted was for him to spend time with me. Even if it meant just going to the store or watching a movie with me. It wasn't like we got to to be together all the time, and a weekend with no plans meant lots of time for us. But "us time" didn't happen when there were endless raids and dungeons to be conquered.
Before I go on, let me say this: I have no problem with video games at all. I can appreciate them, and I can appreciate that they are something my husband really enjoys. He's good at them and they take his mind off of work and the pressures of being an employee, husband, and soon-to-be-father long enough to let him relax. And I love to hear him laugh while doing something he loves. Everyone needs something that does that, and most of us have it. It's our hobbies; our passions. For some it's video games, half an hour at the coffee shop, knitting, running, and the list goes on. I'm sure you're thinking of what yours is right now.
The thing is that in marriage, we have to remember that we are two different people who like different things. I like Pinterest and my husband likes late-night raids with his guild. There's nothing wrong with those things. The problem is when we spend more time focusing on those things, and not enough time remembering that our spouse needs us too, or communicating that we need them. Because I failed to tell my husband that I needed his attention, he failed to give it to me, and around we went wondering what was wrong. But once we established some ground rules about his amount of gaming, we found a balance that allows him to enjoy something he loves, while still making sure our marriage is tended to.
If you're a wife whose husband loves gaming (or any other hobby), but you feel like it's cutting into your relationship, here's a few things to try:
1. TALK about it. - Chances are good that he has no idea you're upset about it; or if he knows you're upset, he doesn't know why. Tell him how you feel about the amount of time he spends doing such-and-such, and why it makes you feel that way. Communicate what your expectations are when he has that much time to spare.
2. Encourage him. - Make sure that he understands you don't have a problem with him doing what he loves. It's important to show interest in what our spouse loves and let them know we support them, BUT...
3. There is a time to work and a time to play. - ... when an interest gets in the way of work, taking care of responsibilities, finishing that project he started, or just being present for his family (and not in a make-believe dungeon), then it's probably time to sort through our priorities.
4. Set some boundaries. - If need be, agree on some hours with him to do what he loves, and don't be stingy. We all need a little "me-time." For example, my husband plays his game in the evening and knows that I expect him to finish whatever he and his guild are doing by midnight on weeknights, and 2 am on Fridays or Saturdays, depending on our plans. If he needs to have certain things done before he plays, make a plan together to see those things fulfilled and his needs met.
5. Promise to be open and communicate. - This is the hard part for you. You have to voice your feelings. I've promised my husband that if I start to feel he's spent too much time on the game, if I need him for something, or just want him to come be with me, I'll speak up. If you never say anything, he will never know and will assume you're okay with how things are. Tell him that you'll be honest with him so that he knows when it's time to stop and you don't turn into a ball of rage.
Happy gaming!
Now video games? That's a completely different subject. I'm not into video games at all. Don't get me wrong, there are some incredibly amazing and beautiful and complex video games out there. I love the way the world of video games is evolving into something with much more personality and nobility than button-mashing and high scores. But I would rather sit and watch my husband play a game excitingly well than play one myself. Yes, I'm that boring.
But what happens to a couple when your hubby really really really loves a good MMO with great design, great stories, and all the coolest gear you could imagine? Our first year of marriage is what happens.
My husband and I used to play Rift, and while I could play for a couple of hours at max on a regular day, my husband could easily put away an entire weekend of nothing but gaming and diet mountain dew if I let him. And sometimes, I let him. After all, he had spent the whole week bringing home the bacon and making sure I was taken care of. How can you say no to a man who can play video games for that long, and yet still get all his stuff done?
Nevertheless, I didn't like how much time he could log away playing games, and I let him know it. Surely there were better ways to spend his time besides just raiding and dungeoning with his random-stranger-guild-buddies! We would have arguments about his amount of play, and all I could do was search for a reason to make him stop, but to no avail. Things got done, bacon was brought home, and I couldn't find a legitimate reason to make him stop playing. Even he understood that it probably wasn't the best use of time, but if things got done, why stop doing something he really enjoyed? Still, I was quietly angry and I didn't know why.
This was a major point of tension for us, and we had a hard time resolving the issue. Eventually things got too busy for him to keep playing so regularly, and we quit playing Rift altogether. But I also figured out what it was that bothered me most when he spent his weekends on the game. You see, while he would go into another world and play with friends he would never meet, I would try to find other ways to fill my time or enjoy my weekend. But truthfully, all I really wanted was for him to spend time with me. Even if it meant just going to the store or watching a movie with me. It wasn't like we got to to be together all the time, and a weekend with no plans meant lots of time for us. But "us time" didn't happen when there were endless raids and dungeons to be conquered.
Before I go on, let me say this: I have no problem with video games at all. I can appreciate them, and I can appreciate that they are something my husband really enjoys. He's good at them and they take his mind off of work and the pressures of being an employee, husband, and soon-to-be-father long enough to let him relax. And I love to hear him laugh while doing something he loves. Everyone needs something that does that, and most of us have it. It's our hobbies; our passions. For some it's video games, half an hour at the coffee shop, knitting, running, and the list goes on. I'm sure you're thinking of what yours is right now.
The thing is that in marriage, we have to remember that we are two different people who like different things. I like Pinterest and my husband likes late-night raids with his guild. There's nothing wrong with those things. The problem is when we spend more time focusing on those things, and not enough time remembering that our spouse needs us too, or communicating that we need them. Because I failed to tell my husband that I needed his attention, he failed to give it to me, and around we went wondering what was wrong. But once we established some ground rules about his amount of gaming, we found a balance that allows him to enjoy something he loves, while still making sure our marriage is tended to.
If you're a wife whose husband loves gaming (or any other hobby), but you feel like it's cutting into your relationship, here's a few things to try:
1. TALK about it. - Chances are good that he has no idea you're upset about it; or if he knows you're upset, he doesn't know why. Tell him how you feel about the amount of time he spends doing such-and-such, and why it makes you feel that way. Communicate what your expectations are when he has that much time to spare.
2. Encourage him. - Make sure that he understands you don't have a problem with him doing what he loves. It's important to show interest in what our spouse loves and let them know we support them, BUT...
3. There is a time to work and a time to play. - ... when an interest gets in the way of work, taking care of responsibilities, finishing that project he started, or just being present for his family (and not in a make-believe dungeon), then it's probably time to sort through our priorities.
4. Set some boundaries. - If need be, agree on some hours with him to do what he loves, and don't be stingy. We all need a little "me-time." For example, my husband plays his game in the evening and knows that I expect him to finish whatever he and his guild are doing by midnight on weeknights, and 2 am on Fridays or Saturdays, depending on our plans. If he needs to have certain things done before he plays, make a plan together to see those things fulfilled and his needs met.
5. Promise to be open and communicate. - This is the hard part for you. You have to voice your feelings. I've promised my husband that if I start to feel he's spent too much time on the game, if I need him for something, or just want him to come be with me, I'll speak up. If you never say anything, he will never know and will assume you're okay with how things are. Tell him that you'll be honest with him so that he knows when it's time to stop and you don't turn into a ball of rage.
Happy gaming!
Monday, December 1, 2014
what I've been hiding for 14 weeks
Nausea all day and all night. A jar of pickles (or two). A can of jellied cranberry sauced. One pair of jeans. What do these things have in common?
They're all things I went through in the first 14 weeks of my pregnancy. Yup, that's right folks. If you haven't heard already, Mr. Adams and I are expecting our first baby June 1st, 2015. To say we are excited is a complete understatement, and yet I can't find any better words to explain my feelings. I have waited my whole life to see those two pink lines that say, "Yes, you are. No kidding." I've always wanted to be a momma, and now the good Lord in all His wondrous grace and mercy and love has seen fit to place this little person to grow inside of me and be mine and my husband's firstborn. Truly, we are in for a treat.
But what I've really been wanting to tell you is how much of a miracle our baby is. Of course, yes, every baby is a beautiful miracle; a special someone; a unique and specific individual whose life will never be repeated or replaced. But for those of you who know me, this has been a long, winding, hesitant road that started before I even hit junior high. I can finally tell you why my baby simply being conceived is a miracle.
From the day I received my "gift" from mother nature that indicated my body was even the least bit fertile, I had difficulties. I went through over a decade of doctors and different treatments to regulate my body and ease the discomforts that came with it. While relief and successful treatment finally came in my late sophomore year of college, the troubles did not end. I had been told since before I was 16 years old that I might have difficulty having children, if I was able to at all.
You see, there's only a tiny window of opportunity for a woman to become pregnant, and some windows are better than others. My doctors couldn't guarantee that my body was opening that window at all. But because I was under hormonal treatment 24/7, in order to have children, I would have to quit the treatment, and possibly endure what I already had for over a decade, which still wouldn't allow my body the time to conceive. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place, and I wondered how my husband and I would walk this rocky path. It would take a miracle to see my body balance and function as it should in order for us to have children. But I never thought to ask God for a miracle. Maybe I had said, "Lord I need this to happen," but I know I never believed it was actually possible for God to heal my body. It never even crossed my mind!
If you've ever doubted the importance of the church community in your life, turn your back on that doubt now, and know that your brothers and sisters in Christ within the Church are some of the most valuable people you can have in your life. I didn't even think to consider a miracle for myself until a dear friend of ours began praying for me consistently. She and her family are so diligent in their prayers, down to the smallest child, that I couldn't help but wonder why I would ask others to pray for me, but not pray for myself. "Ask and you shall receive."
As I began to pray for myself, and turn my heart and mind to a level of faith I didn't know existed, I began to understand that miracles are not a thing of the past. God is very much alive and at work, and His Spirit flows within us, ready to do His bidding. All I had to do was ask and believe that God is who He says He is, and that He can do what He has always done - the impossible.
When I quit my hormonal treatment so that we could start trying to conceive, I was a mess. I was worried and anxious that my body would return to its old state and that I would suffer through more testing and treating, never to see any end to the misfortunes of an unbalanced body. But after three months without any hormonal assistance, my body was functioning well and proper, and my health had improved by leaps and bounds. My cycles were a little short, but nothing unusual and nothing discomforting.
By nothing other than the gracious hand of God, I received my miracle.
In month four, we found out we were pregnant, and now we are well on our way to meeting a little girl or boy who is going to be so dearly loved, and who will be taught just how much God had to do in order for them to come into this world. If you are needing a miracle, small or big, know that God does indeed have the power to make it happen and He is more than willing! Our God longs to hear our prayers and requests so that He can answer and show Himself as the faithful and loving God that He is!
They're all things I went through in the first 14 weeks of my pregnancy. Yup, that's right folks. If you haven't heard already, Mr. Adams and I are expecting our first baby June 1st, 2015. To say we are excited is a complete understatement, and yet I can't find any better words to explain my feelings. I have waited my whole life to see those two pink lines that say, "Yes, you are. No kidding." I've always wanted to be a momma, and now the good Lord in all His wondrous grace and mercy and love has seen fit to place this little person to grow inside of me and be mine and my husband's firstborn. Truly, we are in for a treat.
But what I've really been wanting to tell you is how much of a miracle our baby is. Of course, yes, every baby is a beautiful miracle; a special someone; a unique and specific individual whose life will never be repeated or replaced. But for those of you who know me, this has been a long, winding, hesitant road that started before I even hit junior high. I can finally tell you why my baby simply being conceived is a miracle.
From the day I received my "gift" from mother nature that indicated my body was even the least bit fertile, I had difficulties. I went through over a decade of doctors and different treatments to regulate my body and ease the discomforts that came with it. While relief and successful treatment finally came in my late sophomore year of college, the troubles did not end. I had been told since before I was 16 years old that I might have difficulty having children, if I was able to at all.
You see, there's only a tiny window of opportunity for a woman to become pregnant, and some windows are better than others. My doctors couldn't guarantee that my body was opening that window at all. But because I was under hormonal treatment 24/7, in order to have children, I would have to quit the treatment, and possibly endure what I already had for over a decade, which still wouldn't allow my body the time to conceive. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place, and I wondered how my husband and I would walk this rocky path. It would take a miracle to see my body balance and function as it should in order for us to have children. But I never thought to ask God for a miracle. Maybe I had said, "Lord I need this to happen," but I know I never believed it was actually possible for God to heal my body. It never even crossed my mind!
If you've ever doubted the importance of the church community in your life, turn your back on that doubt now, and know that your brothers and sisters in Christ within the Church are some of the most valuable people you can have in your life. I didn't even think to consider a miracle for myself until a dear friend of ours began praying for me consistently. She and her family are so diligent in their prayers, down to the smallest child, that I couldn't help but wonder why I would ask others to pray for me, but not pray for myself. "Ask and you shall receive."
As I began to pray for myself, and turn my heart and mind to a level of faith I didn't know existed, I began to understand that miracles are not a thing of the past. God is very much alive and at work, and His Spirit flows within us, ready to do His bidding. All I had to do was ask and believe that God is who He says He is, and that He can do what He has always done - the impossible.
When I quit my hormonal treatment so that we could start trying to conceive, I was a mess. I was worried and anxious that my body would return to its old state and that I would suffer through more testing and treating, never to see any end to the misfortunes of an unbalanced body. But after three months without any hormonal assistance, my body was functioning well and proper, and my health had improved by leaps and bounds. My cycles were a little short, but nothing unusual and nothing discomforting.
By nothing other than the gracious hand of God, I received my miracle.
In month four, we found out we were pregnant, and now we are well on our way to meeting a little girl or boy who is going to be so dearly loved, and who will be taught just how much God had to do in order for them to come into this world. If you are needing a miracle, small or big, know that God does indeed have the power to make it happen and He is more than willing! Our God longs to hear our prayers and requests so that He can answer and show Himself as the faithful and loving God that He is!
Thursday, October 2, 2014
some words are just dumb
Confession. I hate the word "compatible."
Where did this idea of compatibility come from and why is it so seemingly important in the world today? It's as silly to me as the idea of soul mates and prince charming. I'm sorry, but there's just no such thing Cinderelly.
Let's talk about this though. For real. The idea of compatibility promises something unachievable. "If you find that one, perfectly compatible person and date/marry them, all will be well." But it's not true, and it simply can't be. There is no "one" person. And certainly there is no perfect person either (come on wives, can I hear an amen? Hehe, just kidding, just kidding!).
The truth is that those of us who are married could have married someone else, and still have a loving, lasting, fulfilling marriage. It would definitely look completely different, and we would do different things, talk about different things, and argue about different things. But just because it was someone else doesn't mean the marriage is doomed to fail. Those of you who are still dating could start seeing someone else and still have a decent, positive relationship. And the world wouldn't end! Love would still be very much alive!
The point of relationships is not just to make us happy or give us what we want (like butterflies and kisses). The point of relationships is to teach us, change us, help us grow, and encourage us to become more and more like Jesus every day. In a way, they're there to expose our selfishness, and bring it under control. I remember my old dental hygienist telling me, "You get married, and you realize how selfish you are. Then you have kids, and you realize how selfish you still are!"
In marriage, we bind ourselves to this person that we care deeply for and pledge our love, life, and body to them. Let's face it. Sometimes we're not exactly compatible. He likes soda and she likes tea. He likes anime and she likes romantic comedies. He likes the toilet paper under, she likes it over. "Good Lord! There's too many differences! We must not be compatible!" No, my friend, you're simply different, because you're simply human. If you were exactly alike, I'd say either you're robots, or someone is lying. A lot.
I know my husband and I probably would have never been thought of as "compatible." We are completely different! But the beauty of my husband's flaws (and mine), is that we learn to work together. We take our personalities and we throw them into this big pot called LIFE that's filled with things like conflict and finances and children and beliefs and upbringing and mannerisms and all sorts of crazy human antics. And if we don't watch it, it can burn and boil over and cause a big mess, not just for us, but for everyone close to us. But if we learn to balance the recipe, keep it at a simmer, and stir occasionally, we create something beautiful, enjoyable, consistent, and encouraging to others. And ultimately, we make way for God to do amazing things through us and our marriage.
If you're dating, and thinking you have to find someone "compatible," just stop. There isn't a perfect man or woman out there for you. But there are people. Lots of people. Good people. Many of them are people that you would say, "I kinda like this person," after a couple conversations, but they also probably won't be the last. Don't be so quick to right someone off as "not compatible" simply because you're from different backgrounds or have separate interests, or even because you don't find them overly attractive right off the bat. Some of the best relationships come from unlikely friendships. Little did I know my marriage started in high school. I only saw my husband in the morning at the cafeteria tables, and occasionally at soccer, and we hardly talked. Now, he's my best friend, and I'm always glad I said "yes" to him.
Where did this idea of compatibility come from and why is it so seemingly important in the world today? It's as silly to me as the idea of soul mates and prince charming. I'm sorry, but there's just no such thing Cinderelly.
Let's talk about this though. For real. The idea of compatibility promises something unachievable. "If you find that one, perfectly compatible person and date/marry them, all will be well." But it's not true, and it simply can't be. There is no "one" person. And certainly there is no perfect person either (come on wives, can I hear an amen? Hehe, just kidding, just kidding!).
The truth is that those of us who are married could have married someone else, and still have a loving, lasting, fulfilling marriage. It would definitely look completely different, and we would do different things, talk about different things, and argue about different things. But just because it was someone else doesn't mean the marriage is doomed to fail. Those of you who are still dating could start seeing someone else and still have a decent, positive relationship. And the world wouldn't end! Love would still be very much alive!
The point of relationships is not just to make us happy or give us what we want (like butterflies and kisses). The point of relationships is to teach us, change us, help us grow, and encourage us to become more and more like Jesus every day. In a way, they're there to expose our selfishness, and bring it under control. I remember my old dental hygienist telling me, "You get married, and you realize how selfish you are. Then you have kids, and you realize how selfish you still are!"
In marriage, we bind ourselves to this person that we care deeply for and pledge our love, life, and body to them. Let's face it. Sometimes we're not exactly compatible. He likes soda and she likes tea. He likes anime and she likes romantic comedies. He likes the toilet paper under, she likes it over. "Good Lord! There's too many differences! We must not be compatible!" No, my friend, you're simply different, because you're simply human. If you were exactly alike, I'd say either you're robots, or someone is lying. A lot.
I know my husband and I probably would have never been thought of as "compatible." We are completely different! But the beauty of my husband's flaws (and mine), is that we learn to work together. We take our personalities and we throw them into this big pot called LIFE that's filled with things like conflict and finances and children and beliefs and upbringing and mannerisms and all sorts of crazy human antics. And if we don't watch it, it can burn and boil over and cause a big mess, not just for us, but for everyone close to us. But if we learn to balance the recipe, keep it at a simmer, and stir occasionally, we create something beautiful, enjoyable, consistent, and encouraging to others. And ultimately, we make way for God to do amazing things through us and our marriage.
If you're dating, and thinking you have to find someone "compatible," just stop. There isn't a perfect man or woman out there for you. But there are people. Lots of people. Good people. Many of them are people that you would say, "I kinda like this person," after a couple conversations, but they also probably won't be the last. Don't be so quick to right someone off as "not compatible" simply because you're from different backgrounds or have separate interests, or even because you don't find them overly attractive right off the bat. Some of the best relationships come from unlikely friendships. Little did I know my marriage started in high school. I only saw my husband in the morning at the cafeteria tables, and occasionally at soccer, and we hardly talked. Now, he's my best friend, and I'm always glad I said "yes" to him.
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